Putting something down into words makes it real, and I’ve been avoiding it for over a week now. So here goes.
We lost our beautiful Nellie suddenly and without warning on Saturday, September 19.
Her passing has hit us like a gut punch, and there aren’t any words that can describe the heartache of accepting that our beautiful, precious girldog is not with us any more.
The morning of September 19 started out like any other.
Nellie was being her usual self, just hanging out and waiting for something fun to happen. Which it was, or so we thought when we packed up the truck and headed out to a picnic with friends.
She had been loving life all week, and showed no signs of being sick when we hoisted her up into the truck for the drive.
But when we arrived at the park and opened the cab door, she was weak and almost unresponsive. We rushed to the ER clinic at Colorado State.
During the 20 minute drive something in her body had ruptured, possibly the small and relatively unconcerning liver tumor vets found back in early summer.
When we unloaded her onto the gurney at this hospital, she wasn’t in distress, but just spacey, mentally checked out at some faraway place. Maybe Wyatt and Jerry we calling for her.
Ten minutes after we arrived, the ER vet broke the news to us; Nellie was critical, with no hope for a recovery, and no way to stabilize her so we could give her a proper send-off at home.
We asked for another test to be sure, and with tears in her eyes, the vet returned with the same answer. Nellie wasn’t going to survive this terrible situation.
So with that horrific news, right there in the busy ER room we had to do right by her, and set our sweet girl’s spirit free.
The vet was as compassionate as she could be. And relief was fast and painless for Nellie. But our hearts have been shattered ever since.
Now we take each day as it comes, finding something to be grateful about, and trying to appreciate how lucky we were to have this mellow, friendly senior dog in our pack, even if only for four short years.
But the shock hasn’t really worn off, and every second of the day we miss our girldog so much.
Earlier this summer we moved out of the RV and into a real house. Nellie hardly got a chance to enjoy the new place that we got with her mobility needs in mind.
She finally had her own yard, no stairs to manage, and plenty of places to stretch out. At least she had a few weeks of the luxe life she deserved.
One week after saying goodbye, it’s hard to find a reason to get out of bed, or go on walks after work.
But we go on, because what choice do we have?
Maybe closure will come when the necropsy report is back so we can know what took her from us so suddenly. Or maybe we’ll just beat ourselves up for missing the warning signs of a terrible illness.
All these years we’ve been dog parents, we’ve often wondered: is it worse to lose a dog when you know ahead of time and set a day and time with the hospice vet? Or is saying goodbye worse when you don’t know that it’s coming?
Now we know. And in our opinion, it’s far, far worse to not know.
Oh no!! This breaks my heart and hurt so much for you! I don’t know which is worse – planning or the instant loss. I think they both have their arguments but both suck immensely. Love and light, sweet Nellie, we loved following your life story and how much your humans adored you. You have left a huge empty paw print. Jim and Rene – sending biggest hugs and healing energies. Nellie was welcomed into her new chapter, no doubt, with so many others who she and your efforts have assisted in one way or another and she gets to hear about all the Jim/Rene bragging by so many tripawds and more. Wish I had adequate words to share and ease the pain, but i know those don’t exist, so just smile, laugh, cry, hit things (nothing alive!) and remember the beauty and love and amazing adventures she got to share with you.
My heart is breaking 💔 😢. I am so sorry that you lost sweet Nellie. This is our hardest part of losing our babies is the grief. Sending hugs and love to you and Jim.
Oh Rene, I’m so very sorry to hear this! Nellie was such a beautiful dog, and sounded like such a sweet girl. We’ve had both scenarios with endings, and to this day, I don’t know which is worse. With the first 2 Dobies, the decision was theirs; with Nitro, it was ours. The shock of the first two was hard, but so was the agonizing decision of when to make “the call”. I guess the answer is, they both suck. Keeping you both in my prayers as you work thru the grief. Take care
All my love,
Paula
Rene and Jim, I’m so sorry you had this experience. It sounds so very much like how I lost Dakota. And I agree; not being able to plan or wrap your head around it is the worst. I truly hope that we reunite with these sweet creatures in some fashion. The thought of not doing so is just too much. In the meantime, we give our best to all those here who need us, no matter how many legs they have.
I’m so sorry to hear this sad news. She seemed so content when we saw her last month…settling in and adjusting to her new life. I know you are heartbroken but you gave her a great life so remember that every day. We totally missed Jacks illness too so I understand the tendency to wonder if you missed something. She was a sweetly dog who was so lucky to have you guys for 4 years. Cry freely as I am right now. Mourning her is just remembering how much you love her.
😞
Thank you so much Nancy, Michelle, Paula, Shari and Patti. We feel the love and know you completely get it. Dog people are the best people.
Sorry to hear this about Nellie. You will always, hopefully lose your dog first. I know it hurts but I wouldn’t want to leave my dog first and leave them to that kind of trauma. We have been through this over a dozen times throughout our 40 years of marriage. Both senarios suck, but an unexpected emergency is definitely worse.Bree had a Stroke about 9 months after I had mine back in early 2023. We lost her within an hour of Paisley alerting us to her. Then we lost Paisley a year ago. She was the first dog we put down at home, and it was calm and peaceful. Still painful for us, but calming and peaceful for her. I have to Thank Laps of Love in Tucson Arizona for that experience . We always talked about a home euthanasia,but never managed it. I absolutely recommend it, when needed if possible . Our prayers and tears go out to you both and Sweet Nelli. Send us a link to Tripawds. We would like to make a Donation in Nellie’s Honor. Love you both 🙏🌹 RIP NELLIE😘
Aww Alec, wise words my dear brother-in-law. We know you and Susan understand completely, having had so much more dog experience than we have. I’m glad you could give a beautiful send-off to Paisley, she sure was lucky to have you two looking out for her right up to the end. Thank you for the love and I’ll have Jim send you a link to Tripawds. We so appreciate your kindness. Love to you both.
I’m so sorry you had to lose Nellie like this. Patti and I were totally blind sided by Jacks sudden cancer diagnosis. Then he was gone, just gone. So please accept our Love and condolences from one pair of dog lovers to another.
Jim you are so sweet, thank you. I couldn’t believe either when Jack was suddenly gone, it’s so shocking to lose a family member like that. We really appreciate your thinking of us during this ruff time.
My tears are streaming. Partly for your sad loss and partly because it hurts so much to try to come to terms with letting our tripawd Loki go yesterday after suffering a long recovery and having continued breathing problems. Nothing can prepare you to watch your unconditionally loving doggie have their life cut short planned or unplanned. I’m so sorry for your loss and the pain it causes…. Loving memories are what we have to brighten our days ahead. xxx
Thank you Kim, I’m so sorry for your loss. It cuts deep and is so hard for us to understand how something so precious and loving can be gone in a heartbeat. Know that we are thinking of you and your sweet pup as well. Keep the beautiful memories close.
Oh no, I’m so sorry for your loss! Nellie had such a wonderful life with you. I know it’s a horrible feeling to lose a pet suddenly like that.
Susan you are so kind, thank you for the love and support. We sure need it.
As I read ur post with tears flowing I’m so sorry for your terrible loss. Feeling helpless in a time of love is indescribable. I reach out with hugs, so much love and gratitude u gave Nellie a great life although shorter than anyone would want. Knowing the two of you Nellie had a great life because of you. There are no other people I know who share the deepest love of our puppies who need the most love. Bless you both. I’m sending tons of hugs, so much love and prayers. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much Suana. You have such a big heart for animals, you speak their language! I know you understand how they make us better people and how profoundly we miss them when we are left to grieve. We really appreciate your kindness and support during this tough time. Lots of love back at you my furiend.
Dear Rene and Jim,
Words aren’t enough to express how sorry i was to hear about Madame Nellie’s sudden passing! She may have only been with you for four years, but I can guarantee that it was likely the best four years of her life!
She may not have had long in your new home base, but she now knows exactly where to find you! She is probably saying that staying in one place is boring Mum & Dad, I went on so many adventures with you, most dawgs could only dream about! And boyz da boyz she had some great adventures with you guys!!!
We Salute Tripawd Warrior III, Miss Nellie!!! May you run like the wind with your Tripawd Warriors Jerry and Wyatt-Has-A-Lot-To-Say and I know for a fact that even though our Super Duper Trooper Stu never got to meet you Nellie, he will be so very hoppy to be able to show you around the best place evah!!
My heart goes out to you Rene and Jim and if I’m ever passing through Colorado, I will be sure to stop in!
Much love and massive hugs to you both. And Super Duper Sloppy kisses from Super Stu!
XOXOXO
Thank you. ❤️ We’re sure Stu and Nellie are having a good romp and some super naps in the sun.
Petra, you are so sweet and kind, thank you for your loving words and furiendship. When we hung out with you and of course Super Duper Stu, I remember when you taught me so much about how to do nail trims for Wyatt, and then for Nellie you had some good advice too!It really helped so much. You have the kind of dog wisdom that comes from experience and exceptional understanding of these very special fur kids. Thanks for being my teacher. I feel so lucky to have you in our universe. Much love to you.
Rene and Jim, we are so very sorry to read this and for the loss of your Nellie. Our hearts break for you both.
You were gifted four beautiful years with Nellie. How incredibly lucky she was that you found her, and how lucky you both were that she came into your lives. Four years was not nearly long enough, but I don’t think any amount of time ever is when we love them this much. Nellie was a gift, a treasure, truly one of a kind. She will never be forgotten.
You wrote about what is worse, knowing or not knowing, having time to prepare or losing them suddenly. I have lived both, and the truth is, we cannot prepare our hearts for this kind of loss. Sudden or anticipated, our hearts still shatter. All of that enormous love suddenly has nowhere to go, and that is grief.
I once asked Sally, after so many enormous losses, “How do you go on?” Her answer was simply, “You just do.” I have never forgotten those words. Somehow we do, even when each loss feels like it takes more and more of us.
I hope the necropsy may eventually bring some closure and some of the answers you need. You know how we search for every possible reason to blame ourselves after a loss like this, every “what if” and “if only.” But Nellie was loving life and being Nellie right up until that day. There was nothing you could have known. You did everything right. You gave her a beautiful life and loved her with everything you had. The truth is, Nellie was called home, and you are left with the unbearable part of having loved so deeply: losing her.
I want to leave these two pieces from John Roedel with you. Rene, Jim, replace God with your universe as you read them. I hope somewhere within his words you find even the smallest place for your heart to rest.
“The Debt of Love”
https://www.johnroedel.com/post/grow-your-blog-community
“Holy Wounded Hearts”
https://www.johnroedel.com/post/holy-wounded-hearts
Sending so much love and so many prayers to you both. (((((HUGS)))))).
Run free, Nellie B. Dawg. You had one grand door to walk through, and I know there was quite a welcoming committee waiting for you on the other side.
Take care of each other, and please give yourselves all the time and grace you need. It is OK to not be OK!!!
Love,
Holly, Mark, Purrkins & Angel Saxton ❤️❤️❤️
Holly thank you so much for the beautiful note. I sent you an email with better words than I can muster up right now. You’re an amazing furiend. Lots of love headed your way.
Rene and Jim,
I am so very sorry to hear about Nellie. Losing one so unexpectedly is just devastating for those left behind. I hope that you can take some small comfort in knowing that she never had a bad day.
She certainly was very much loved for the too short time that she was with you. And she loved you right back. I know you miss her.
Nellie is in good company with Jerry and Wyatt – and all the tripawds, like our Jack, that read her story.
With love and sympathy,
Debbie Franks
Debbie, thank you for the beautiful message. It’s hard for me to find the words right now, please know that we are so appreciative of your kindness and sympathy. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.